are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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