i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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