sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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