Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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