What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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