fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
