My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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