Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
