You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
