We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
