I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
