one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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