Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
