After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
