What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize