Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
