He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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