New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
