hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
