my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
