I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
