I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
