kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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