I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
