im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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