I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
