I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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