What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
