You can't special order awesome
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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