she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
