Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
