pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
