i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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