I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
