I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
