It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
