i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
