My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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