My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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