Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
