the condom got lost in my hair
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize