My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize