I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize