I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
