The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
