Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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