you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
