Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
