Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
