we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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