Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
