Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
