I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
