My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
