dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
