The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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