winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
