My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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