Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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