I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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