i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
