ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
