$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
