I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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