I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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