Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
