You're completely useless in the revolution.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
