i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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