you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
