my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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