This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
