now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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