Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I want is dick and wine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
