So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize