ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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