Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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