what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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