Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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