I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
